When Should We Meet?

Meet Your Fiance

Once you start an online conversation with somebody you’d like to meet, you’re going to need to start thinking about moving that relationship offline. The timing of doing this can be a little tricky, however.

The question of when you should ask to meet is not one with an easy answer. It can differ for different people. This is a question that I have long had to deal with, and it is still a struggle. Since there is no one answer, let’s try to get an understanding about this.

Too Fast, Too Slow?

You might think I’m putting too much thought into something that is seemingly so innocent. I’d love to agree with you, except that I have been burned on this before. On one hand, I have waited too long to ask someone out, only to hear back that she has decided to go out with somebody first. On the other hand, I have asked too early, which can be a little difficult to recover from.

The first easy online dating tip here is that you don’t want to wait too long. There are certainly relationships that arise after people have been talking online for weeks and even many months. Something to keep in mind, is the people in these examples probably had no choice, or they lived far apart, and correctly waiting to really build up the relationship online before they crossed state lines to meet. You most likely will have the benefit of speaking with somebody within your area. You often will not have a real reason to wait so long.

At the same time, if you go too fast on this, several things can happen. You might scare him or her off. You might come across as too desperate. You might appear like you’re wanting something purely physical, when that isn’t the case. (If you are simply looking for a casual encounter, and they are too, then the story changes.)

For some reason, I want to create this metaphor on this subject with hunting a deer. I have no reason why, I have never hunted anything in my life. But perhaps it is apropos. We are sorta on the hunt here, are we not?

You don’t want to fall asleep on the deer. It could run off to the next field. It could get caught by another hunter.

But you also don’t want to get too aggressive at first. It is a skittish creature, and prone to a quick departure.

The successful hunter attacks at the right time. Not too fast, not too slow.

Today’s Simple Online Dating Tip

There is no easy answer. I can only tell you what I do. I think a good idea is to have an exchange of at least three meaningful messages. Not something small like “How, how are you?”. We’re talking about more significant back-and-forth. Multiple sentences at least. Better yet, a few paragraphs. Maybe even several subjects. Enough to show that the two of you are connecting, but not enough that you’ll be out of something to say when you do finally meet.